Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Online Barber Shop
One of my favorite things is going down to the local barbershop on the corner downtown, a few blocks from my house. Or it used to be one of my favorite things, before I decided to start shaving my head, because, you know, that's the only dignified thing to do when your hair starts thinning.
What I like about the barber shop are all the cliches that old men say, and they all laugh at as if it were the most clever thing ever, which in turn makes me laugh. Sort of making fun of them in my head, but not really because I like it. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. "Working hard or hardly working?" etc...
If you hang out much in online forums or newsgroups you will quickly recognize other cliches, or "Lowest Hanging Fruit" as some of my friends call it. These are not endearing or quaint or fun in the old-man-at-the-barbershop kind of way. Here are some samples of what I'm talking about.
Situation: Someone types a message in all caps, such as "SO IS ANYONE ELSE AS EXCITED AS ME TO FINALLY GET TANGO AND CASH ON DVD?"
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Stop shouting!!!" ... It's also followed by a explanation about netiquette and how all caps is the equivalent of shouting in a face to face conversation. This is WORSE than the person that types in all caps. And yes, I meant to yell that word.
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Situation: Someone types a message making an inquiry about something, such as "Does anyone know where I can find some plans to build my own go-kart?"
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Google is your friend." This is usually not accompanied by any other sentiment, and definitely not any helpful info for the person who asked. You know what? I've been friends with Google a long time, and we talked and we don't really want to hang out with you anymore.
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Situation: Someone types an unequivocal statement, such as "I hate Lucky Charms, it's definitely the worst cereal in the world, and I wish that stupid little cartoon leprechaun would just curl up and die."
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Tell us how you really feel!" This is sarcasm for people who aren't actually sarcastic. Let's leave that to the experts folks.
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I'm sure I'm missing some, feel free to clue me in on any that I missed.
What I like about the barber shop are all the cliches that old men say, and they all laugh at as if it were the most clever thing ever, which in turn makes me laugh. Sort of making fun of them in my head, but not really because I like it. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. "Working hard or hardly working?" etc...
If you hang out much in online forums or newsgroups you will quickly recognize other cliches, or "Lowest Hanging Fruit" as some of my friends call it. These are not endearing or quaint or fun in the old-man-at-the-barbershop kind of way. Here are some samples of what I'm talking about.
Situation: Someone types a message in all caps, such as "SO IS ANYONE ELSE AS EXCITED AS ME TO FINALLY GET TANGO AND CASH ON DVD?"
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Stop shouting!!!" ... It's also followed by a explanation about netiquette and how all caps is the equivalent of shouting in a face to face conversation. This is WORSE than the person that types in all caps. And yes, I meant to yell that word.
___________________________________
Situation: Someone types a message making an inquiry about something, such as "Does anyone know where I can find some plans to build my own go-kart?"
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Google is your friend." This is usually not accompanied by any other sentiment, and definitely not any helpful info for the person who asked. You know what? I've been friends with Google a long time, and we talked and we don't really want to hang out with you anymore.
___________________________________
Situation: Someone types an unequivocal statement, such as "I hate Lucky Charms, it's definitely the worst cereal in the world, and I wish that stupid little cartoon leprechaun would just curl up and die."
Lowest Hanging Fruit Cliche Response: "Tell us how you really feel!" This is sarcasm for people who aren't actually sarcastic. Let's leave that to the experts folks.
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I'm sure I'm missing some, feel free to clue me in on any that I missed.
Comments:
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Sorry, buddy, but "Google is your friend" is a perfectly acceptable response to a moronic post like that. If you are posting a question like that on a message board for people to answer for you, then: a) you have never HEARD of the wonders of Google, or b) you are LAZY and want someone else to Google for you (thereby relieving YOU from the task of weeding through the dud results).
If you come on a forum and ask for Go-Kart building plans, you BETTER make friends with Google because you are going to LOSE any worthwhile forum friends. And, yes, I meant to shout. ;)
Here's another cliche for ya: Don't try to force your [laidback, c'est la vie] opinions on everyone else! At LEAST use JMHO.
-RGB :-p
If you come on a forum and ask for Go-Kart building plans, you BETTER make friends with Google because you are going to LOSE any worthwhile forum friends. And, yes, I meant to shout. ;)
Here's another cliche for ya: Don't try to force your [laidback, c'est la vie] opinions on everyone else! At LEAST use JMHO.
-RGB :-p
# posted by 
: 5:54 AM
: 5:54 AM
Lazy? He wants to build a go-kart, what have you ever done with your life?
Ok, it is lazy not to research before asking questions... But if you ask someone, "So, is it supposed to rain today?" and they responded "The newspaper is your friend," you might punch them in the face.
Also, you don't have to use the exact phrase "Google is your friend." You could say "Holy cow, go-karts are awesome."
Ok, it is lazy not to research before asking questions... But if you ask someone, "So, is it supposed to rain today?" and they responded "The newspaper is your friend," you might punch them in the face.
Also, you don't have to use the exact phrase "Google is your friend." You could say "Holy cow, go-karts are awesome."
Usually they type something like "Google is your friend" so that they can slowly weed out any remaining forms of human contact...after all, since when are message boards a place for discussion or sharing of ideas and opinions? And why would you want a simple answer to a simple question when you could sift through 10,000 pages of unrelated websites?
Now that is some fine sarcasm!
You know what the worst problem I have with online communication is? People who make speaking/typing way more effort than it should be, I.E. "OK PpLz, wuz UP wit choo? NE1 seen dat WhITe CaSSTle Movie? Dat 1 iz da BOMB dawg!"
There are whole blogs out there like that; strangely enough, most of them are people from Singapore or Malaysia. I find it really impressive that not only do those people know a second language, they've found a way to turn English into a 3rd language.
Now that is some fine sarcasm!
You know what the worst problem I have with online communication is? People who make speaking/typing way more effort than it should be, I.E. "OK PpLz, wuz UP wit choo? NE1 seen dat WhITe CaSSTle Movie? Dat 1 iz da BOMB dawg!"
There are whole blogs out there like that; strangely enough, most of them are people from Singapore or Malaysia. I find it really impressive that not only do those people know a second language, they've found a way to turn English into a 3rd language.
"OK PpLz, wuz UP wit choo? NE1 seen dat WhITe CaSSTle Movie? Dat 1 iz da BOMB dawg!"
I'm pretty sure that's to weed out the people over 20 years old, just like rap music.
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I'm pretty sure that's to weed out the people over 20 years old, just like rap music.
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