Monday, September 06, 2004
Kirk D's Greeting Card Ideas
My friend Kirk (http://www.secretfunspot.com) works for a greeting card company. These were some greeting card ideas he emailed to some friends a few years ago.
1. Front: "Inside this card you will find a small strip of foil positioned to reflect your own image."
Inside: (small strip of reflective foil attached.)
Caption underneath: "Your face is horribly ugly."
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2. Front: (written in colorful large cartoon print) "FREE BEER!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention, I offer my deepest sympathy regarding your recent loss."
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3. Front: (picture of beautiful woman in revealing, red, two-piece bathing suit)
Caption: "I thought I would get you something extra-special for your birthday..."
Inside: Message to recipient stating that the text on the front of card is deceptive, and in fact, they are not getting a gift that is sexual in nature.
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4.Front: Caption: "So you're getting older."
Inside: "good natured ribbing" that tends to really sting.
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5. Front: (Image of enthusiastic cartoon man on white background)
Caption: "It's your 21st birthday!"
Inside: Some mention of alcohol
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6. Front: (Cartoon figure standing near flashy sports car. Extended hand is holding car keys.)
Caption: "Now that you're 16, I thought I would get you a NEW CAR for your birthday..."
Inside: "If you go to the driveway you will find a late model sports car. It is your birthday gift. Insurance for it is extremely high."
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7. Front: (Cartoon image of savvy looking woman sitting at a table with a cup of coffee, speaking to recipient.)
Caption: "Men, you can't live with them, you can't live without them."
Inside: "My negative view of men was caused by a lengthy series of failed relationships and meaningless sexual encounters."
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8. Front: (Photograph of vintage fishing paraphanelia)
Caption: "To Dad"
Inside: "You're almost like a father to me."
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9. Front: (Photograph of lighthouse beside serene ocean waters)
Caption: "In Sympathy"
Inside: "You don't come across as such a big shot now that you face enormous proportions of pain."
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10. Front: (Image of small cartoon squirrel superimposed onto photograph of stacks of U.S. currency)
Caption: "I'll bet you're wondering if there is money in this card."
Inside: "You are in luck." (Inside a slot is a twenty dollar bill) "... or are you?" (Closer inspection reveals that the money is printed on the card.) "... then again, would I do that to you?" (Real money has been placed behind the fake money.) "... I just might" (As recipient attempts to remove money they discover it is attached with strong adhesive.) "... but I'm not that mean" (Small packet of adhesive remover pops up.) "... or am I?" (Bills are infested with germs.)
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11. Front: "SEX!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention, I want to let you know that you are hurting the people who love you the most."
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12. Front: (Cartoon image of the latest, top-selling children's toy)
Caption: "Happy Birthday!"
Inside: "My soul has deserted me. (Image used with permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. All rights reserved.)"
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13. Front: "To a wonderful couple on your wedding day."
Inside: "As you stand at the altar before all of your friends and family, you are basically asking the audience to imagine what you and your spouse look like while having sex."
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14. Front: (Cartoon image of turtle in a recliner)
Caption: "I'll bet you're wondering why this birthday card is belated."
Inside: I'm in the final stages of a serious bout with Alzheimer's disease."
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15. Front: "Directions: 1. Hold this card at arm's length. 2. Shake three times. 3. Repeat "My birthday wish will come true." out loud three times. 4. Open card."
Inside: A real leprechaun appears to grant wish.
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16. Front: (Cartoon elephant sitting in the witness stand being cross-examined by a rabbit in a lawyer's outfit.)
Inside: "You are in pun Hell."
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17. Front: (Photograph of orangutan wearing human clothes, in human office environment. No caption.)
Inside: Degrading insult comparing recipient's appearance to that of the primate seen on front.
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18. Front: (Cartoon image associated with a funeral)
Caption: "Uh-oh, look who's 'over the hill'!"
Inside: "Happy ninety-sixth birthday!"
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19. Front: "SEX!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention... FREE BEER!"
1. Front: "Inside this card you will find a small strip of foil positioned to reflect your own image."
Inside: (small strip of reflective foil attached.)
Caption underneath: "Your face is horribly ugly."
---------------------------------------------------
2. Front: (written in colorful large cartoon print) "FREE BEER!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention, I offer my deepest sympathy regarding your recent loss."
----------------------------------------------------
3. Front: (picture of beautiful woman in revealing, red, two-piece bathing suit)
Caption: "I thought I would get you something extra-special for your birthday..."
Inside: Message to recipient stating that the text on the front of card is deceptive, and in fact, they are not getting a gift that is sexual in nature.
----------------------------------------------------
4.Front: Caption: "So you're getting older."
Inside: "good natured ribbing" that tends to really sting.
----------------------------------------------------
5. Front: (Image of enthusiastic cartoon man on white background)
Caption: "It's your 21st birthday!"
Inside: Some mention of alcohol
----------------------------------------------------
6. Front: (Cartoon figure standing near flashy sports car. Extended hand is holding car keys.)
Caption: "Now that you're 16, I thought I would get you a NEW CAR for your birthday..."
Inside: "If you go to the driveway you will find a late model sports car. It is your birthday gift. Insurance for it is extremely high."
----------------------------------------------------
7. Front: (Cartoon image of savvy looking woman sitting at a table with a cup of coffee, speaking to recipient.)
Caption: "Men, you can't live with them, you can't live without them."
Inside: "My negative view of men was caused by a lengthy series of failed relationships and meaningless sexual encounters."
----------------------------------------------------
8. Front: (Photograph of vintage fishing paraphanelia)
Caption: "To Dad"
Inside: "You're almost like a father to me."
----------------------------------------------------
9. Front: (Photograph of lighthouse beside serene ocean waters)
Caption: "In Sympathy"
Inside: "You don't come across as such a big shot now that you face enormous proportions of pain."
----------------------------------------------------
10. Front: (Image of small cartoon squirrel superimposed onto photograph of stacks of U.S. currency)
Caption: "I'll bet you're wondering if there is money in this card."
Inside: "You are in luck." (Inside a slot is a twenty dollar bill) "... or are you?" (Closer inspection reveals that the money is printed on the card.) "... then again, would I do that to you?" (Real money has been placed behind the fake money.) "... I just might" (As recipient attempts to remove money they discover it is attached with strong adhesive.) "... but I'm not that mean" (Small packet of adhesive remover pops up.) "... or am I?" (Bills are infested with germs.)
----------------------------------------------------
11. Front: "SEX!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention, I want to let you know that you are hurting the people who love you the most."
----------------------------------------------------
12. Front: (Cartoon image of the latest, top-selling children's toy)
Caption: "Happy Birthday!"
Inside: "My soul has deserted me. (Image used with permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. All rights reserved.)"
----------------------------------------------------
13. Front: "To a wonderful couple on your wedding day."
Inside: "As you stand at the altar before all of your friends and family, you are basically asking the audience to imagine what you and your spouse look like while having sex."
----------------------------------------------------
14. Front: (Cartoon image of turtle in a recliner)
Caption: "I'll bet you're wondering why this birthday card is belated."
Inside: I'm in the final stages of a serious bout with Alzheimer's disease."
----------------------------------------------------
15. Front: "Directions: 1. Hold this card at arm's length. 2. Shake three times. 3. Repeat "My birthday wish will come true." out loud three times. 4. Open card."
Inside: A real leprechaun appears to grant wish.
----------------------------------------------------
16. Front: (Cartoon elephant sitting in the witness stand being cross-examined by a rabbit in a lawyer's outfit.)
Inside: "You are in pun Hell."
----------------------------------------------------
17. Front: (Photograph of orangutan wearing human clothes, in human office environment. No caption.)
Inside: Degrading insult comparing recipient's appearance to that of the primate seen on front.
----------------------------------------------------
18. Front: (Cartoon image associated with a funeral)
Caption: "Uh-oh, look who's 'over the hill'!"
Inside: "Happy ninety-sixth birthday!"
----------------------------------------------------
19. Front: "SEX!"
Inside: "Now that I've got your attention... FREE BEER!"
